The Baby

James is our newest Cannon. He was born at the end of April, so he is now 4 1/2 months old. He is a sweet little boy: he only fusses if he is hungry, tired, bored or frustrated. He loves to smile at Mommy, Daddy, and Juju (Julie's nickname); he is still a little wary of the big boys as they tend to be rough with him, despite repeated reminders to be soft. He loves to chew on his monkey toy, as he is currently drooling to excess since he started teething a month ago. Josh got his first tooth at five months, so I expect James to pop one out at any time. When put on his tummy, he can scoot himself backwards across the room.

James is our miracle baby, although not in the sense that most people think of babies as being miracles. I suffered from an odd depression while I was pregnant with James. Everyone talks of Post-Partum Depression, but I have never heard of warnings for pre-natal depression. Yet, I experienced real feelings of dread and despair from the time I found out I was pregnant right up to and through delivery. Jesse even gave me a blessing because I was ashamed of feeling so sad when I should have been feeling happy, and I wanted desperately to overcome the despair. However, I was told in the blessing that though my Father in Heaven was mindful of my sorrow, this was an opportunity to strengthen my faith in the atonement of Christ.

When I went in to deliver, the dread increased. I didn't want to do the work necessary to give birth, just wanted to be put to sleep and wake up with a baby in my arms. But he came quickly, and I got through the process well enough. The nurses wanted to get his temperature up, so when he wasn't eating, he was in the nursery staying warm. I didn't complain, since he was born at 1:00 in the morning, and Jesse and I needed the sleep. But around 5:00 I couldn't sleep anymore. I wanted my baby! I was so relieved when the nurse brought him to me to feed him. The depression was lifted. The next day Jesse and I talked about how both of us had felt the distinct impression that he was meant to be a part of our family. I am truly grateful for my sweet miracle baby James.